On my June 8, 2009 blog I talked about taking on a new weight loss effort following the prescription of Jon Gabriel in his book, The Gabriel Method: The Revolutionary DIET-FREE Way to Totally Transform Your Body
It is reality check time, now. How am I doing? Well, try this on for size. (No pun intended.) I have gained nine pounds, the largest single one-month weight gain I have experienced in over three years! In fact, it is the ONLY weight gain I have experienced in over three years.
So, what is going on?
Did Jon Gabriel fail me?
Is the Gabriel Method another cruel hoax?
A resounding “No!” to both questions. Eating disorders are nasty disorders, much like battling an addiction to heroine or alcohol. They are complex and they are deeply rooted.
“Hi, I'm DeHomely. I have a food addiction.”
And the crowd responds in a dry, but familiar sing-song Friends of Bill chant: “Hi, DeHomely.”
One thing I know about my psyche: you can't give me an out. You dare not give me any wiggle room in the rules of engagement. If you do, I will push the envelope to my own destruction – just like any other addicted person.
If Jon says, “Diet free,” I take that to the extreme. I no longer have to watch what I eat, in my own mind, and guess what. I ate with total abandon.
OK. Now that I know that Jon requires a rational approach to eating, then, I guess I better examine myself again to see if I can accept responsibility for my own lack of reason.
Am I discouraged? No. But I am sick about it. And I am determined to try once again, this time using something that resembles “reason.”
Are you laughing yet? If not, you should be.
If I do have a complaint about Jon Gabriel's book is that it is for a very specific audience. Jon clearly warns the reader in a very brief statement that eating disorders can have some very deep psychological and chemical roots , and that those issues need to be addressed with professional guides. Beyond, perhaps, a simple paragraph, that is all he says about that. Jon's assumption is that you are an average person that has a healthy body, and a healthy love for yourself.
Let's go back, then. Didn't I confess that I have a food addiction?
And I do.
I am retired, on a limited income, and I don't have insurance. I can't pay for professional guidance. What can I do?
I personally believe, after nearly 63 years of self-examination, that I have a solid absence of love for self. This is not saying I am not selfish. Believe me, most people that lack love for self, will be selfish inversely proportional to the degree to which they lack love for self. Selfishness, and self-love are on two opposite ends of the continuum. A person that has the proper amount of love for self, will also have other things in balance. A person that loves himself or herself will most likely not be arrogant. Those that have the healthy amount of love for self, will also have a very healthy love for others. Such a person will most likely be well liked, as well—kind of like Jon Gabriel.
For me, I must continue on with my exercises in learning to love. Part of those exercises include learning to love myself. The bottom line is this: I am face to face with the demon behind all addictions—-self-hatred. I need a complete overhaul of my mind. I must learn to love myself.
Not only does this involve a renewing of the mind, but first, a re-knowing of the mind. Had I examined myself honestly in the beginning, and admitted that I am dealing with self-hatred and addiction, my approach may have been more realistic in the first place. But I didn't. I was too blinded by the hope that maybe I had found the holy grail. This is common amongst those of us who battle with self-hatred. Somehow it is as if we want to continue to hate ourselves at all costs. Damned crazy, if you ask me. But, what do I know?
OK, one more thing must be clear to you by now. It is the vicious cycle found in all addictions: the more you succumb to the temptations of your addictions, the more you hate yourself. The more you hate yourself, the more you will succumb to your addictions. The cycle must be broken, and believe me, if you try to attack the addictions, you will lose the battle, and eventually the war.
You must assert an attitude of forgiveness toward yourself and find away to love yourself, and others. Then and only then, will the power of self-hatred and its partnered addictions be finally overcome. That is my goal, and believe me, it is far easier said than done.
Do you suppose there is anything to the fact that I am talking about shedding the tyranny of my self-hatred on July 4 (Independence Day)?
Be Peace. Be Love